Ummmmm.....

This is a screenshot from a search I did last night. The result is definitely understandable given that there are so many more people interested in and linking to information about human penis length than cat length. Still, totally giggled like a schoolgirl at that one.

Rant about body comments

People's attitudes about appetite and body size are really getting on my nerves lately. For the past few months I have had a significantly reduced appetite. For the first month or so I thought my body was finally wising up and dumping the extra pounds I put on when I got sick and had to take prednisone last year. Then I got the flu, so it made sense that I didn't want to eat that week, and for a few weeks after that I just figured that it was taking a while to get back to normal from the flu. However, the flu was ages ago, and the appetite decrease has only grown more pronounced. It wasn't until last week that I dusted off my old mental calorie count dictionary honed from years of dieting and started doing the math and realized that even with forcing myself to eat at fairly consistent intervals, I was getting about 800 calories a day if I was being generous with the numbers. Yesterday I had to force myself to eat more than 200 calories for the day.

I went to the doctor for that combined with some other issues. I don't weigh myself anymore, so when I discussed the appetite reduction with her and she asked if I'd lost weight, I could really just shrug and say that her chart knows better than I do. (They weigh me every time I go in, and I always ask not to be told. Giving up dieting and the fantasy of being thin is difficult enough, and I worry that hearing the number will trigger old habits.) According to them, I was 12 pounds lighter on this visit than the last time I came in two months ago, which is a fair amount of weight to lose unintentionally.

The problem is when I try to share this issue with people and I get comments like, "Oh wow, that's awesome! Good job!" or "Maybe it's because of a healthier lifestyle!" Um, no, eating less than 1000 calories in a day is not a healthy lifestyle, and it's not awesome. Unless you're obviously underweight, everyone assumes that you must welcome weight loss for any reason. It might start to get a whole lot worse soon--I'm fairly tall so weight loss isn't really visible on me until I've lost 20 or so pounds, after which people start noticing. If this continues I can look forward to being subjected to a whole litany of "You've lost so much weight!", "You look really good, what are you doing?"

These comments have always been a huge pet peeve of mine, even when I've been intentionally trying to lose weight. I've heard from a lot of people that they love hearing this kind of stuff when they're losing weight and that it's encouragement, but it's always driven me up the wall. It reminds me that people are always checking out your body, making judgements on it, and keeping some mental tally of gains and losses in body size. The comments imply, if not implicitly state, that the commenter believes that you look great NOW, as compared to 20 pounds ago when apparently you looked terrible.

In my ideal world, people would not really notice these things, and if that is too much to ask, they would keep comments to themselves. There are so many reasons for people to lose and gain weight, and these reasons can be incredibly personal. I know that many drugs for depression/anxiety/bipolar can cause pretty severe weight gain, so can something like prednisone which is sometimes used long-term by people with some autoimmune conditions. Someone could be pregnant and not ready to share that information, or they could be really sick with something that is causing weight loss. You don't know what's going on, and it's not your body, so shut it, even if you think you're giving a compliment.

If anyone is still reading this, please just question the de facto assumption that small=good+healthy and large=bad+unhealthy, and that moving toward being small is to be congratulated no matter what the means. Also, give just a tiny bit of thought to why comments on the size and shape of another individual's body are deemed to be fair conversational game, not on rare occasions, but often immediately upon greeting someone you haven't seen in a month. Maybe I'm the minority, but I can't be the only one who finds these comments uncomfortable and slightly offensive.

Blue Heron in flight

Blue Heron in flight
Originally uploaded by psydereal

I was walking with Kim, Nik, and Brad through Golden Gate Park to get to the California Academy of Sciences and we saw a Great Blue Heron just chilling. Kim got a little too close but I managed to get a pretty clear shot of the bird in flight.

My birthday came early...

Brad
Originally uploaded by psydereal

I was really upset when I saw some funky pixels in the pics taken by my old trusty Digital Rebel, definitely sensor-related. Brad sensed my pain and replaced the Rebel with a new Canon 50D, and he didn't even make me wait until my real birthday next week. I love the new camera, it's ridiculously fast, the LCD display is about twice as big as the one on the old camera body, and I can take better pics in low light thanks to the higher ISO. Fun!

Shopping

I decided that yesterday would be a good day to attempt to spruce up my wardrobe for spring/summer. I felt as if I'd been wearing waaaay too much black/grey for the past couple of years and too many knits so my goal was to work some more light/bright colors into my wardrobe and experiment with cotton button down type tops. It was an experiment in failure to say the least--there is a reason I never wear button down types and haven't since I was about 16 and my chest developed. Enough said.

The bid for a less monochromatic look ended when I said "Ooh, let's go into White House Black Market." Sigh. Well, lesson learned I guess. I did end up getting quite a few cute things, including a dress that I probably would never have picked up myself but the saleslady brought me, and everyone in the store freaked out over when I came out of the dressing room in it. So now I have to be on the lookout for occasions to wear a nice dress.

Coachella Sunday

Arrived around 4 on Sunday and met up with our friends to see Lykke Li as our first show of the day. In my opinion this was one of the best sets of the weekend--I liked her album but absolutely loved her live and have been listening to this album over and over again since we got back! She had amazing intensity and stage presence and I found her fascinating to watch.

After this show we headed to Peter Bjorn and John which was okay but not great. The highlight of the set was when Lykke Li came onstage to sing the female vocals on Young Folks. After that we hit this lull in the afternoon where there was absolutely nothing to be excited about so we ate dinner and found ourselves in front of the tent where X was playing, which I ended up digging.

Following the lull in the action was the hour or two where I needed to be in five places at once. Started out at My Bloody Valentine, everyone was freaking me out about the loudness of the show. I've been wearing earplugs to shows for years so was already prepared. The show started and honestly I wasn't really feeling the first few songs so we left for the dance tent where Christopher Lawrence was spinning. I remember loving his set when I saw him live ten years ago and the first 30 minutes didn't disappoint but then the set started to get all trancey and we left. I could hear noise from the MBV stage and the Kills playing three stages down, and was torn, both sounded so good. Ended up running to the main stage to hear the last wonderful 15 minutes of noise from MBV.

Saw Flavor Flav acting all crazy for a few minutes, then got seats for The Cure. I'm not a huge Cure fan but they were amazing. Robert Smith's voice sounds just as it ever has, and he sells the emotion of the songs so well. A great headliner and end to the festival weekend.

Honestly next year I'm hoping for a dud lineup, or at least a lineup full of bands everyone else likes but I never got into. :) It will be two weeks before my wedding, and I get the idea there will be too much to do to take four days off to party in the desert. If Daft Punk or Rage Against the Machine decide to headline an encore set though, I'll be reconsidering.

Coachella time

It's Sunday and I'm in beautiful ridiculously hot Indio California for Coachella. Brad and I are staying cool in the house and keeping hydrated for the next hour or so to avoid several extra hours in the sun, everyone else in our crew has headed to the festival already to catch some early acts.

On Friday we did the early thing with the rest of them and while it was cool to see Gui Boratto playing some really nice techno (with a bit of prog house thrown in) and then We Are Scientists on the main stage, I think I got a bit too much heat and too little water so I wasn't feeling great later in the evening. After We Are Scientists we headed to the dance tent and caught the end of Steve Aoki's set which was terrible, and then the beginning of Felix da Housecat's set which was also terrible. Having heard good things about The Hold Steady we headed over there, but were similarly unimpressed. Walking past we heard Los Campesinos! and they were actually playing an awesome set that we were lucky to hear the last half of. One of the highlights of the day in the whole "band I've never heard of being really fucking cool" way.

After Los Campesinos!'s set, we headed to the Outdoor Theatre to see Conor Oberst. I like Bright Eyes but hadn't gotten much into his solo stuff and while it's not what I would generally listen to on a regular basis I liked the part of the show we saw. We left halfway through to catch Franz Ferdinand which was awesome. They're one of those bands I never think much about but then realized I knew and liked all their songs.

Next stop was the dance tent for Ghostland Observatory which was awesome, intense, and weird. The one not-so-great spot of the set was when they played one song that went on about 10 minutes longer than it really needed to, but the awesome lasers and rest of the set more than made up for it. Next up was Girl Talk who I was ridiculously excited for, but the area in which we were standing got really crowded, hot, and intense and the sun/dehydration from earlier in the day really started to catch up with me, so we left a few minutes into his set. No great loss though, I've seen him play three times before.

Unfortunately it started to get extremely cold at this point, so we found the metal/fire dragon/snake sculpture to huddle around for warmth. From this area we could hear and see most of Paul McCartney thanks to the giant screens on the side of the main stage.

Learning from my mistake of getting there too early on Friday we waited to get in on Saturday until around 4 which was an excellent call since it was MUCH hotter on Saturday than on Sunday. We met up with our friends at the Outdoor Theatre where we parked for most of the day, hearing Drive-by Truckers, Superchunk, Calexico, and Fleet Foxes--all of which were awesome. Some weirdness during Fleet Foxes though, we were watching the show when halfway through some kid just collapsed right next to us. His eyes were wide open, it was kind of freaky--he didn't have any friends around or anything, some guys carried him off hopefully to find a medic. I've seen sooo many people getting carried off this year--people need to learn that drugs, alcohol, and dehydration don't mix. In any case, spending most of the day at one stage was really relaxing and chill and a nice way to spend the day instead of running all over the place to see this act and that act.

The sun went down during the (amazing) Fleet Foxes set, and we headed out to check out Junior Boys which I really wasn't feeling especially after the soulful acts we'd been seeing all day. Got to the dance tent just in time for the Chemical Brothers DJ set which has been one of the high points of the festival for me so far. They went on with no introduction, no fanfare, and started playing really awesome banging dance music. It was such a refreshing change of pace from most of the stuff I'd been seeing there this weekend, no 80's hair metal, no giant breakdowns every three minutes (I'm looking at you Felix da Housecat). It might have been a little minimal/hard for some people but Brad and I were digging it. After an hour of dancing though I was parched and we had to leave to get water, so we ended up heading over to see the Killers which I wasn't digging at ALL (neither was this guy gal (how sexist of me) so I'm just going to remember the Chemical Brothers as the end of the evening. ;)

Hoping to get there today to catch Lykke Li, Peter Bjorn and John, My Bloody Valentine, Christopher Lawrence (who I loved when I saw perform ten years ago but realistically I will probably bitch about today. I've gotten so freaking picky about electronic music it isn't even funny!), The Kills, Public Enemy, and maybe a few minutes of the Cure.

Echo

IMG_0459
Originally uploaded by psydereal

Surviving

I tackled one of the tasks I have been dreading for the wedding on Sunday, finding the dress. I can't exactly put my finger on why it was so terrifying. Part of it was this fear that they would only have size 2 samples and I'd be stuck trying to squeeze myself into these things and imagining how they'd look if they fit properly. I think the rest of it was the stress of it...choosing this extremely expensive item that is supposed to be THE PERFECT DRESS.

Anyhow I mustered up some courage and got the process started. I heard you were supposed to get the dress thing locked down about a year out, so I called a place I'd gotten a good recommendation for the other day, thinking I'd have to wait at least a week or two for a weekend appointment, but they had openings right away, so I booked one. Kim came with me while her husband and my fiance played video games and had beers.

For one thing my fears about the size thing were unfounded. This place had all kinds of sizes, I tried on quite a few gowns that were several sizes too large and had to be clipped. I was also pleasantly surprised at how nice I looked in almost all of them, but honestly, they just weren't me. So many dresses were full of beading and lace, I told my lady that I didn't like beading at all. Most of the others were very structured, which turned out just to be too much for me. When the saleslady brought out the dress I ended up loving, she was like "This is not too simple, is it?" Nope, it wasn't, it was perfect. And a great price too.

Happy that I'd easily come under the number I wanted to spend, I decided to have a little fun with Brad when I came home, and tell him that I'd found the perfect dress but it was a little more than we'd wanted to spend. I told him a number about $4000 higher than what the dress actually cost me and Kim and I kept it going for a few minutes before telling him the real price.

A week in London

Last Friday I made arrangements for last minute work travel. Turns out two projects I work on both had lots of things going on this week and all of the work was being done out of the London office so it just made sense to head out there myself instead of trying to coordinate everything over email with a seven hour time difference. Actually it was the first time I'd done international travel for the office and while I have looked forward to getting to do it for some time, it was quite a difficult week.

For one thing, the time zone in the UK is a sweet spot for turning one into a workaholic. You get in at a reasonable hour and spend your day working and just when the day is about to end, folks from the States start coming online and sending you emails. There just is no good time to turn off your computer and walk away from work so you end up working say, from 8 to 11. And then you go back to your hotel and work on emails some more.

Also, jet lag, it seems as if it is much easier to recover from when you don't say, work 15 hours a day. Go figure. ;)

The week was rather hellish but it was productive as intended, and the story has a happy ending. Myself and two other engineers on the product met up for fish and chips at a pub and spent the day walking around London and seeing the sights, ending up at the Tate Modern and then going to an interesting neighborhood (the East End I think?) at night for dinner and drinks. Getting to see a bit of the city besides the few blocks between office and hotel really took the edge off the week.

CBS, how I hate you. Let me count the ways.

The start of March Madness means that I have to interface with CBS. This is why I hate you CBS:

You are always showing the wrong game. With four to pick from, I guess the odds are pretty good that you will pick the game I'm least interested in to show. Especially when I live on the west coast, which means CBS thinks that I care about Washington state and Arizona. I can't name a single team west of Colorado that I give two shits about. Damn you CBS!

So I go onto your website to get the streaming video, yay! Except, wait a minute, what's this? You only work with Windows machines running IE! Are you kidding me?!?

Damn you, CBS.

On the way out of Silicon Valley...

We stopped for burgers and I took this shot of Brad eating one. I happen to love it and am not sure why.

Our new apartment is moved into and almost feeling like a real home. I kind of go a little nuts when I'm living in place without Internet or my TiVo, which was all of last week due to Comcast and their awesomeness. Thank God for 24 on DVD amirite?

One of my coworkers stopped me in the hall and asked me how preparations were going. I assumed she meant for a small presentation I have to do at work tomorrow, so I started talking about that. She looked at as if I was nuts and said, "No, about the wedding." I guess I need to give back my girl license now, not assuming everything in the world is about my upcoming wedding.

Could be on my way...

Yoga is one of those things that I know other people are super into, but I just for the life of me haven't gotten it. The climbing gym that I belonged to for a while had yoga classes included so I tried to see what the fuss was all about and took an hour and a half class that I thought was the biggest waste of time in my entire life. I considered this the end of the yoga experimentation.

Recently I've declared war on cortisol in my body which has led me to decisions to cut out caffeine and alcohol among other things, and which made me decide to give yoga another try. I took a class at work, and had almost as bad of an experience as my first class, but I was going to stay the course and at least try it a few times, maybe I was missing something.

As luck would have it, a friend of mine sent out an email the next day. She'd recently gotten certified as a yoga instructor and was offering free instruction for the month of February to help her learn to be a better teacher. I happily took her up on the offer and went over last night for some private instruction. It was a world of difference. Instead of following a fast-paced class and trying to imitate the instructor and people around me, I actually had the time to learn the poses, how they should feel, and how to focus on my breathing at the same time. After we were done I felt amazing. I think that the next time I take a class I will get so much more out of it, and I've stopped bad-mouthing yoga. ;)

Big steps!

This weekend was pretty chill, but we accomplished quite a bit. B. and I managed to find an apartment that we both liked, had all the features we wanted, and was under budget--not quite an easy task! We get the place officially two weeks from now, and will move in shortly after. We both live alone and have for the past several years (excepting two horrific months I lived in San Francisco with the roommates from hell about a year ago) so sharing space might take some getting used to. ;) If I didn't think we were up to it, we wouldn't be getting married.

Speaking of marriage, we locked down a date and a location! We're putting down a deposit on Wednesday and then it will be too late to elope. ;) The wedding will be in late spring of 2010, and I'm super excited. 2010 sounds like it is so far away but I have a feeling the time will pass very quickly.

So I gave up...

On the whole Project 365 thing. It was so much harder than I thought it'd be! And my fiance came back into town, which doubled my lack of motivation to go out and find pictures of stuff, so I called it quits. My friend DB called it, said I'd be done within a month. Oh well.

One thing that I actually did follow up with was the no boozing. I haven't had any alcohol for a month, which for me, is a big deal. I'd tried to do this before, but for some reason after two weeks of not drinking life always seemed to go to shit. I wasn't convinced that it was entirely a coincidence so I was wary. But no, things are cool, I'll have drinks with dinner on Valentine's Day, am looking forward to it.

Next weekend Brad and I have a tasting with the venue that we're probably going to go with for the wedding. Hopefully the food doesn't suck and we can put a deposit down and start really planning.

And the Coachella lineup is finally out. Girl Talk is playing again this year! The lineup is a whole bunch of awesome, can't wait until April.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

The blank Coachella poster still up on the website because despite all the rumors and that the lineup is generally released on a Monday, it looks like we won't be hearing anything official until tomorrow.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

This church by Brad's house is so adorable, I almost wish I believed in God so I could get married here.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Went to Ben's birthday party on Saturday night. Took a picture of the birthday boy before it got too hectic.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Went up to the city to play poker at Lisa and Mike's. We played Omaha which is like Texas Hold 'Em only 10 times more confusing. I got the hang of it by the end of the night and ended up winning back all of the money I lost earlier.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

This is a skirt of mine, the closest thing I can find to the wedding colors I think I've finally settled on, light aqua blue and bright red.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Never thought I would own something with this logo on it. That still is true, the shoes I got on mega awesome sale didn't fit so I have to send them back. I am a sad kitten.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Waiting with laptops for the inauguration.

And I am missing a day! I took a picture on the 19th, I just can't find it on my various CF cards...it was a dinosaur picture too. :(

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Checking my mail I noticed that someone in my apartment complex has a Christmas tree in front of their door. On January 18th. It was quite festive, the ornaments were miller lite cans.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

The most exciting thing I did yesterday was hit the gym. Thank goodness it was a weekend and no one was there. The New Year's crowd giving up? ;)

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

If you couldn't tell from the entry I posted earlier today, Brad is in Florida for over three weeks on a work thing so we have to Skype it. And yeah, his webcam really is that poor quality. ;)

When B. mentions that he'll be away for three weeks for work, I'm always "No big deal, three weeks is nothing." Then, a bit over halfway through it, I realize that three weeks is a very long time!

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Sorry about the picture quality but this shot of Jamie and Brittany at dinner tonight was too priceless not to post.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

The new bright red checkerboard scarf I started for the knit-for-the-homeless group I'm a part of.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

The sky was an interesting shade of blue/purple when I left the office today.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

This is the #2 cat of the household, Wolverine. Also known as, I left my CF card at home and had to find something in my house to photograph after work. But really, he deserves more pictures. He's like the second child.

And so it begins...

I haven't even made one decision regarding my upcoming wedding yet but I am already starting to see how stressful it can become, especially if you happen to be one of those girls who really cares a lot about every little detail. (Luckily, I am not one of those.) I'm kind of anxious to get the venue and date nailed down, and figure everything will start coming together from there. To that end B. and I have come up with a list of three venues we are considering. One of them we saw, it was quite lovely, and the staff there seems really together and on top of things and quick to reply to my emails. The second one on the top of the short list has not seemed really together and quick to reply, but we have two personal recommendations saying that they are actually great to work with.

One of our friends is actually helping us deal with them and we are starting to make some headway. Venue #1 is starting to fill up and we are arranging a private tasting at the start of February--if nothing else changes until then we will probably book it. The only problem with the venue really is...it's the only one we've seen. I guess if we haven't seen anything else there will be no regrets with the one we actually choose, right?

B. is in Florida right now for work and will be until the 28th so I am missing him a lot. Um, I guess not much more to say about that that isn't sappy and retarded, so I'll stop now.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Today I went over to my friend's house to meet her new baby Diya. She was very cute and small. Diya was born on the same day that Brad and I got engaged exactly one month ago, so December 11 was a very lucky day indeed.

I was talking with Kim the other day about babies and how over the past year I've actually been thinking about wanting one lately. I never thought I would be the type to actually want to have one, I always figured that I'd end up in my thirties and realize that I should do it now or never, bite the bullet, and then end up loving and being really into my kid.

This Christmas though, I definitely was thinking that it would be great to have a child to spoil on Christmas morning. Kim said that she felt the opposite way, that she saw all the presents under the tree for (mostly) her and was stoked that the presents were for her, realizing that if she had a child they wouldn't be anymore. Such different perspectives! I am definitely preparing for a child in my future, she definitely isn't there yet. Life is so funny.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Kim while we're waiting in a giant line at a coffee shop in the Sunset. Because apparently it is the only coffee shop in the area?

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

There's a giant android and his dog in front of the building where I work.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

8 days before I had to resort to posting my cat. :) In my defense, I totally had a picture planned out for this evening, it was going to be my neighbor's awesomely tacky Christmas decorations still up. Well, they took them down while I was at work today, which quite a disappointment and Echo had to take over as a somewhat reluctant model, hiding behind my bike.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Diana, acting like she doesn't want to be photographed.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

I finished my knitting project for our belated knitting secret santa.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Brilliant fall colors in January--only in California.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

When I first got my engagement ring I tried the reverse-lens macro trick with my 50mm lens. I decided to see what happened if I used my giant 17-40mm lens instead and the result was a lot more magnification. I also realized I need to clean my ring. ;) Maybe I should invest in a real macro lens someday?

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Messing around in the car while B. drives us around.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Ian, aka the muppet dog. I was taking care of him over the holidays.

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Originally uploaded by psydereal

Marina in Redwood City at night.